I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize