And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize