I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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