he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
