This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
