its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
