What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
