We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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