New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I am available for nakedness
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
