i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize