Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
