WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
