my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
