3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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