The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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