I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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