i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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