where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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