Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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