Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
