I haven't been this sober since birth.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
