Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
