The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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