no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
As shirtless as possible
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
