I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
