That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
