I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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