Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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