Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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