Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
