Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
