So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
