Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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