What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
