The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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