now i know why i became what i already was.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize