i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
