Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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