And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
