On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
