i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Damn victory sex feels great
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
