What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize