I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize