At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
