ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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