Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
