can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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