are you still at the devil's house?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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