did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
