I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
