I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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