Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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