As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
