if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize