I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
