Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize