Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
