remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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