the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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