i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
