I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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