White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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