Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
