So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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